Turn a Horrible Sentence into a Great Sentence

Writing is rewriting. Often, the difference between mediocre and masterful prose comes down to precise word choice, rhythm, and structure. Here's a practical guide showing how to transform weak sentences into compelling ones, with examples that illustrate key principles of strong writing.

1. Eliminating Redundancy

Horrible: "The reason why I personally believe this is because in my opinion it seems to be true." Great: "I believe this because evidence supports it."

The revision strips away redundant phrases ("the reason why," "personally," "in my opinion," "seems to be") to create a clear, confident statement.

2. Active Voice Transformation

Horrible: "The report was written by the team and was submitted to management for their review." Great: "The team submitted their report to management."

Active voice creates immediacy and clarity while reducing word count.

3. Concrete Over Abstract

Horrible: "The implementation of the new procedure resulted in an improvement in operational efficiency." Great: "The new procedure reduced processing time by 40%."

Specific details and metrics replace vague concepts.

4. Removing Empty Modifiers

Horrible: "The very unique and really interesting project actually turned out to be basically amazing." Great: "The groundbreaking project exceeded expectations."

Strong, precise words replace empty intensifiers and unnecessary modifiers.

5. Streamlining Prepositional Phrases

Horrible: "The books of the students in the class on the shelves of the library were in need of organization." Great: "The students' library books needed organizing."

Eliminating prepositional phrase chains creates clearer sentence structure.

6. Strengthening Weak Verbs

Horrible: "The company made an announcement of their intention to make changes to their policy." Great: "The company announced policy revisions."

Strong verbs replace verb-noun combinations.

7. Fixing Parallel Structure

Horrible: "She likes swimming, to hike, and riding horses." Great: "She likes swimming, hiking, and horseback riding."

Parallel construction improves rhythm and readability.

8. Eliminating Nominalizations

Horrible: "They conducted an investigation into the matter of the missing files." Great: "They investigated the missing files."

Converting noun forms back to verbs creates more direct expression.

9. Clarifying Subject-Verb Relationship

Horrible: "The implementation of new protocols in conjunction with updated systems integration led to improvement." Great: "Implementing new protocols while updating systems improved efficiency."

Bringing subjects and verbs closer together strengthens the sentence.

10. Reducing Qualification

Horrible: "It might be possible that perhaps we could potentially consider making some changes." Great: "We should consider making changes."

Removing hedging language creates confidence and clarity.

11. Fixing Mixed Metaphors

Horrible: "The idea was a tough pill to swallow, but once the ball got rolling, it was smooth sailing." Great: "Though the idea met initial resistance, its implementation proceeded smoothly."

Consistent or eliminated metaphors improve clarity.

12. Addressing Vague Pronouns

Horrible: "When they reviewed it with them, this caused concerns about that." Great: "When managers reviewed the proposal with staff, the budget figures raised concerns."

Specific nouns replace vague pronouns.

13. Improving Rhythm

Horrible: "The thing that happened was that it was very, very bad and nobody liked it at all." Great: "The catastrophic event alienated everyone."

Varied sentence structure creates better rhythm and emphasis.

14. Eliminating Clichés

Horrible: "At the end of the day, it was a win-win situation that thought outside the box." Great: "The innovative solution benefited all parties."

Fresh language replaces worn expressions.

15. Fixing Misplaced Modifiers

Horrible: "Walking down the street, the trees were beautiful." Great: "Walking down the street, I admired the beautiful trees."

Proper modifier placement clarifies meaning.

16. Addressing Passive Construction

Horrible: "Mistakes were made that resulted in deadlines being missed." Great: "Team leaders missed deadlines because of poor planning."

Active construction assigns clear responsibility.

17. Improving Word Order

Horrible: "Being a good writer, sentences should be crafted carefully." Great: "Good writers craft sentences carefully."

Logical word order strengthens meaning.

18. Eliminating Double Negatives

Horrible: "It wasn't unlikely that they wouldn't succeed in their endeavors." Great: "They would likely succeed."

Positive statements improve clarity.

19. Addressing Comma Splices

Horrible: "The meeting ran long, everyone was tired, they decided to continue anyway." Great: "Despite fatigue, the team continued the lengthy meeting."

Proper punctuation and conjunction use creates clearer relationships between ideas.

20. Improving Sentence Focus

Horrible: "There are many people who believe that there is a need for change in the way that things are done." Great: "Many people advocate for procedural changes."

Eliminating expletive constructions ("there are," "there is") strengthens focus.

Revise (Ad Nauseum)

Great writing emerges through revision. By identifying common problems and applying these transformation principles, writers can significantly improve their prose. Remember that the goal isn't just to make sentences shorter, but to make them clearer, more engaging, and more effective at communicating their intended message.

Practice these transformations regularly, and you'll develop an instinct for recognizing and fixing weak sentences in your own writing. Remember that even experienced writers produce rough first drafts; the art lies in the revision process.